I have seen that one of the most problematic things in the home, whether for men or women, is trying to build a home like other people. It is good to have a model home, but there are many things that one should consider before wishing that one’s partner looks like a certain one, or one’s home to be like yours, because there are many differences between them. Here are some of them
the principle of uniqueness: no one person can find another person who looks one hundred percent. Psychologists have tried to classify people into different categories (sanguines, cholerics, melancholics, and phlegmatics…), looking at how people have similarities and putting them together, but they believe that even those in the same group are they are not all the same. Everyone has their own preferences.
Example: You may have a wife/husband who is not sociable because he/she is angry, the guests are not very warm, you visit others and maybe find another man/woman who is friendly, he/she hangs out with the guests and talks to them and you see their home is not lonely. So when you don’t understand that you know that your husband/wife attacks in a different way than the other person, you can spend years and years forcing him to change or you are saddened knowing that you have a man who doesn’t like people and in fact they don’t hate him but that’s how he attacks .
The background or history of the family members and what they grew up in. This is very powerful in Rwanda because of our history. This background really says it all:
The family a person grew up in: When you look at how a person builds a home, it is often closely related to the family he comes from, sometimes he imitates it because he loved it or he has suffered many injuries because of the problems that is why he always avoids that he is going to build like his family. It makes him anxious and afraid throughout his life.
The culture a person grew up in: This is easy to explain in Rwanda, the homes of people from Congo are different from those from Burundi, or elsewhere. In Europe it is very different where a man goes to the kitchen is a privilege while elsewhere they see it as a privilege. There are other factors such as schools, the religion one was brought up in and so on.
The family’s economic level (social class), wealth or poverty are also among the factors that contribute to the way the family lives. It is known that we are all equal in wealth. There are other things that can be said such as the nature of the work a man/woman does, etc.
These things that we are talking about, would give you a clear picture that no house is like another! First of all, the husband, wife and children of that house are not alike, especially I am talking about character, if there are those who are alike, they don’t have the same background or education, if all these are similar, they don’t have the same wealth or poverty.
What would you do?
So if you are a lady, and you have a family for example, it is good to learn from it but it is not possible for your home to be a photocopy of the other one. First ask yourself a few questions like these:
Are my husband and that one the same? You will not bully your husband who wants to change the way God made him
What kind of family did my husband grow up in? What is that father like?
Isn’t the way they live there because they are more helpful than us?
Do I and that woman receive the same things?
Is the work we do the same?
Slow thinking about these questions would help you understand that the best thing is to find a way to live in your home, by learning from others but adapting to the conditions of your home (Adaptation). Don’t be discouraged, but I can tell you that there are failures, but because you know why, it doesn’t stop you from being…
